No Contact Decision Framework

The decision to go no-contact with a family member is one of the most difficult choices a client can face. Clinicians must navigate between validating the client's need for safety and avoiding premature recommendations that could cause harm. This framework provides a structured approach to supporting clients through this decision.

When No-Contact Becomes a Consideration

Clients typically consider no-contact when:

• Ongoing relationship causes significant psychological harm
• Boundaries are consistently violated despite clear communication
• Contact triggers symptoms (anxiety, depression, PTSD responses)
• The relationship is characterized by abuse that continues into adulthood
• Lower levels of contact (low-contact, structured contact) have failed

Assessment Dimensions

1. Pattern vs. Incident

Help the client distinguish between:

• Pattern: Ongoing, consistent harmful behavior over time
• Incident: Isolated harmful event in otherwise functional relationship

No-contact is generally appropriate for patterns, not incidents.

2. Capacity for Change

Evaluate whether the family member has:

• Acknowledged harmful behavior
• Taken genuine accountability (not DARVO)
• Made sustained behavioral changes
• Respected boundaries when set

3. Current Impact

Assess the relationship's effect on the client:

• Mental health symptoms connected to contact
• Physical health impacts (sleep, appetite, chronic conditions)
• Impact on other relationships (spouse, children)
• Functional impairment (work, daily activities)

Therapeutic Considerations

Before No-Contact

• Have lesser measures been tried? (boundary setting, low contact, structured contact)
• Does the client understand this may be permanent?
• Is the client prepared for family system response?
• What losses will accompany this decision?
• Is there adequate support outside the family?

Supporting the Transition

• Help client craft communication (if any) to family member
• Prepare for flying monkeys and hoovering attempts
• Process anticipatory grief
• Build alternative support structures
• Develop responses for social questions about family

After No-Contact

• Monitor for grief, guilt, and second-guessing (normal)
• Support client through holidays and milestones
• Help client manage unexpected contact attempts
• Process family members who choose sides
• Address impact on next generation (client's children)

Red Flags for Premature No-Contact

Be cautious when:

• Decision is made during acute emotional crisis
• Client expects no-contact to resolve all problems
• No attempt at boundary-setting has been made
• Client cannot articulate specific patterns justifying estrangement
• Partner or third party is driving the decision

This clinical resource is provided by Dr. Hines Inc. For consultation or referrals, contact (918) 212-5330.