If you are reading this, you probably found this site at an hour no one would be proud of. The kids are in bed. He is on the couch. You are wondering if this is the rest of your life.
I want you to know something before you read another word: the fact that you are here means something is still alive in your marriage. Women who have given up do not search for coaching programs at midnight. You are still fighting for him. That matters more than you know.
My name is Dr. Johnathan Hines. I have been married to my wife Becky for over 21 years. I have two kids. I am not writing this from a textbook. I am writing it from experience.
I work exclusively with men. Not because women do not matter. Because men will not do the work in a room where they feel judged, and most men have spent their entire lives feeling evaluated by the women around them. He needs a space that is his. A space where he can say the things he has never said without worrying about how it lands on you.
That is not a criticism of you. That is how men are wired. They need a man across the table who has been in the fire and walked out of it. Someone who will not coddle them. Someone who will look them in the eye and say "you are better than what you are showing right now" and mean it.
He is present but not engaged. He goes to work, comes home, sits on the couch, and checks out. You have tried talking. You have tried not talking. You have tried crying. You have tried being patient. Nothing moves him.
Or maybe it is worse. Maybe he is angry and he does not know why. Maybe he avoids every hard conversation. Maybe you run the house, the calendar, the finances, the emotional temperature of the family, and you are exhausted. Not because you want control. Because he will not lead.
You love him. But you are running out of reasons to keep carrying this alone.
Most men who end up in my program are not lazy, selfish, or checked out by choice. They are operating on a broken blueprint. Usually installed by their father. Sometimes reinforced by a manipulative family system. And the blueprint tells them that passivity is safety, that silence is strength, and that their job is to perform, not to be present.
He does not know this. He cannot see the system he is inside. That is not an excuse. It is a diagnosis. And a diagnosis means there is a path forward.
Do not send him this page. Not yet. Men who feel pushed into coaching resent it. Instead, try one of these:
Option 2: Hand him one of the PsyOps Field Guides. Start with Fatherhood if he has a father wound. Start with Marriage if the marriage is the crisis point. They are free PDFs. No commitment required.
Option 3: Tell him you found a coaching program for men and that you would like him to look at it. Do not explain it. Do not sell it. Just say: "I found something. I think it is worth looking at." Then give him the link and walk away. Let him come to it on his own terms.
This is not couples counseling. I do not work with both of you at once. I work with him. But here is what wives consistently report after their husband completes the program:
✓ He stopped retreating to his phone, TV, or garage when things got hard
✓ He began leading at home instead of waiting to be told what to do
✓ He got honest about his father wound and stopped repeating the pattern
✓ He showed up emotionally in the marriage for the first time
✓ He stopped apologizing and started changing
I cannot guarantee your husband will do the work. That is his choice. But I can tell you that the men who finish this program are not the same men who started it. And their wives are usually the first ones to notice.
You are not his coach. You are not his therapist. You are not his mother. You are his wife. And you deserve a husband who shows up, leads, and fights for the marriage as hard as you do.
If he is not doing that right now, it is not because he does not love you. It is because something is running the show that neither of you can see yet. That is what I find. That is what I fix.
Thank you for caring enough to be here.
