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Father Wound Inventory

12 honest indicators. Check the ones that fit you right now. Then find where to begin.

Read this first. A father wound is not the same as having had a bad dad. Some of the deepest wounds came from fathers who were "good men." They just were not present, did not say the words, did not see the boy in the room.

Mark every statement that fits you in the last six months. Not the version you wish you were. Not the version you used to be. The version that exists today.

🔒 Nothing you mark or write here is saved or sent anywhere. Nobody sees this but you. Copy or print it if you want to keep it.

✝️ Faith version

In the last six months

0 of 12 marked. Any number is valid.

0
INDICATORS MARKED, OUT OF 12

Next step: what you needed vs. what you got

A lot of adults run on the assumption that childhood was either "fine" or "terrible." Most childhoods were neither. Most had specific gaps. Naming the gaps is not blaming. Naming the gaps explains why certain things still feel like emergencies at age 40.

Rate each one honestly: 1 (got almost none of this) to 10 (got it consistently).

When you're ready: the unsent letter

The letter is not for him. The letter is for you. You will not send it. Telling yourself you might makes the letter a performance. Tell yourself clearly: I will not send this. That gives you permission to write what's actually true.

  1. What you did. Specific events. Specific words. No softening.
  2. What it cost me. In your life, then and now.
  3. What I needed. As you would have said it then. As you can say it now.
  4. What I refuse. What you refuse to pass on, and refuse to keep carrying.
  5. Closing. Whatever you need to say at the end.

Give yourself a real block of time. Write it on paper, not here. Then seal it away and re-read it in six months, read it out loud to someone you trust, or burn it. Do not send it.

If this is heavier than you expected

Some people open this inventory and find the wound is bigger than they thought. That is normal. Tell one trusted person this week. Consider talking with a coach or counselor. You are not alone in this.

💬Text Dr. Hines · 918-505-7464 ☎988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline · call or text, free, 24/7 ✉Text HOME to 741741 · Crisis Text Line ⚠In danger right now? Call 911

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Dr. Hines Inc. is Christian coaching that begins with an assessment, so you find out what is actually going on before anyone tries to fix it. Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, and virtual nationwide.

The Assessment About an hour, on your phone is fine. You can stop and come back. You get a written Clarity Report: your pattern named, where it came from, what it is costing you, and the first moves in order. This is your map. The Clarity Session Sit down with Dr. Hines and walk your report line by line. You leave with a plan you can actually run. This is walking the map with a coach.
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